So when I say I want a partner, someone inevitably asks what I'm looking for. And I usually don't have a good answer. I seem to have many criteria, but never seem to put them into words or coherent thoughts to explain. I become infatuated with one person sometimes, and can't tell you why I am so focused on him. It's just the way I feel around him. And then I sometimes have a hard time getting over him when I have to let go.
I should probably start by making sure he's single. I hope he is close to my age, and living nearby. He can't smoke, and his social life has to consist of more than just drinking. I want him to be cute and friendly. I want him to have a sense of humor, but be able to take things seriously too. I want him to be a good friend. He needs to be intelligent and have goals and ambitions. I want to be proud of him. I get jealous, but I try not to. He should accept that. He needs to respect me and my views of relationships. He needs to be able to talk about his feelings. We need to be open and honest with each other, and willing to show and listen to emotions. He needs to be able to comfort me.
He should have an intricate personality, not simple-minded. He needs to like me, and show it. I want him to be supportive of what I choose to do, and confident I can make good decisions. I need understanding when I can't explain why I feel a certain way. I need to feel comfortable talking to him, being close to him, doing everyday things with him. I want him to do things for me, that aren't always glorious or fantastic, but kind and caring. I need to be able to discuss interesting topics with him with enthusiasm. I don't want him to become distant because I'm upset. I know we will have ups and downs, but I want us to be able to deal with them and move on.
I have to like being with him and talking to him. I want to be able to flirt and tease with him. I want us to have fun together. He should enjoy me being silly and goofy sometimes. We need to have an exciting and interesting relationship. I want to make him happy. I want to take care of him. I need appreciation for all that I do. I sometimes need reassurance that I still make him happy. I want him to make me feel pretty. I want to be able to show he makes me happy without him feeling crowded. We need to listen to each other. We need to feel that the other is special and unique. I need to respect him and his ideas. I need to trust him, more than anything.
I want us to miss each other sometimes. I want to think of him and smile, even when he isn't there. I want him to think of me sometimes when he is just doing his everyday routine. I want us to be attracted to each other's bodies. But I don't want that to be the only reason to stay together. We need to feel lucky we have each other. I want to snuggle and hold him and feel secure and calm in his arms. I want to feel happy just being near him. I want to be able to kiss him for no reason other than he's there. I want to have some common interests with him, but not feel inferior if he knows more or is more talented. I want us to be able to forgive each other our faults and say sorry. I want us to accept each other as we are, and be able to change and grow as well. I want us to be able to teach each other things about life and the world.
Perhaps I'm being too idealistic because I want to get married and have children someday. I guess I just miss having someone to love, someone to make smile, someone I am important to. And perhaps most of all, someone who shares a deep, emotional, understanding connection with me.
If you have any thoughts or comments, feel free to write to me.